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Manipulate Reality

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Writer's Block: Full Moon Fever [Dec. 12th, 2008|02:44 pm]
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It's the full moon today. Almost every culture has its share of lunar lore, from werewolves to lunacy to true love. Do you believe that the full moon affects our behavior or do you think it's a myth?
To me the moon represents emotion, the feminine aspect of the divine, the Goddess. I've been moon watching lately to try and align my body's cycle with its cycles. I love the moon. I've observed that during full moons emotions tend to run high, which can be good or bad. Nonetheless i love full moons because they are so powerful, especially for women. This full moon is in Gemini, which represents communication and mischeviousness. My sun is in Gemini, and from what I can tell I feel less Gemini-ish... more brooding, more wanting to hide away and nest.
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Writer's Block: Coast Range [Dec. 11th, 2008|04:48 pm]
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If you had to choose, would you rather live in the mountains or by the ocean?
I've always been a beach girl at heart. I live much more inland now however, in the mountains, and while's its pretty, I miss the ocean so much. I haven't seen the ocean in over a year. I can't wait to go back. I miss the smell of the salt sea air, the crashing waves, the sand between my toes, the warm sun, the seagulls, the seaweed, the shells that wash up on shore, the tide pools full of little treasures and life.
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I don't know, I'm still learning [Nov. 30th, 2008|11:35 pm]
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Lately it seems all around me people are discussing religion, spirituality, the divine, and beliefs in terms of how to define it, what it is and isn't, who's a poser, what's real, etc.
So I wanted to write a little about myself and get some opinions. I'm being very raw and honest here, and I don't think I've ever really discussed this with anybody before, so I'm very interested in what people have to say.
As a child, my family was generally agnostic Christian... God, angels, jesus, but that's it. My mom and grandma grew up in a generally Mormon family but i'm thankful that they never passed it on to me, since I find it to be a lot of rubbish, but that's just me. I basically believed in God and angels because that's what I was taught but never gave it much thought. Never went to church, never prayed or said my blessings before bed, etc. Was very curious however with the supernatural, psychics, aliens, etc.
On my 13th birthday a friend of my mom's gave me a book on Wicca by Silver Ravenwolf. Now, I know a lot of people think she's a fluff bunny, etc. and generally don't like her, but damn that book hit home for me and made more sense to me than anything else I had ever read, and I do have a lot of respect for her as an author and what she teaches.
I began reading books by Silver Ravenwolf as well as Scott Cunningham, but while Wicca and Paganism rang true for me much more than anything else I'd ever learned about, it still didn't quite seem to fit. I went through my fluff bunny phase but got over it quickly.
At 16, went through existentialist Athiest phase, but shortly thereafter went through a bunch of life changes and trials that made me rethink life and my beliefs. I realized that I don't know everything, no one does, and life isn't simple and black and white, and some things are simply unexplainable by rationale and science.
During this point in my life, I was 18-19 and went through a big re-evaluation of my beliefs and spirituality. I read and read about religion and spirituality, took a Religious Studies class in college, and since then, I am 20 now and frankly I'm not sure where I fit.
I consider myself Eclectic... that's the best, most specific way I can describe my beliefs, which isn't very specific at all. I just don't know where or what I am, but unlike my younger days, i don't feel such an urgent need to define it, but curiosity and a bit of a feeling of being lost.
I believe in a lot of Buddhist, Wiccan, and Pagan teachings, a bit of Hindu as well. I do believe there is a divine force out there, I'm just not sure what or who it is. And as far as Christianity, Islam, etc. I have a lot of problems with their teachings as far as Hell, "Sin", homosexuality, etc.
I think that the deities of the world are all just facets and different interpretations of this supreme force, though I don't really know how to define this thing other than as the universe, love, life, etc. I am a very strong believer in Astrology and have been studying it for the past few months.I've been also studying and practicing Lucid Dreaming, as well as communicating with the "other side". I also believe in karma very much so as I've observed it first hand. I believe in "Magick" or however you want to define it. I also believe that Prayer and positive, proactive thinking do work. I am an artist and am learning massage therapy as well as color and crystal/stone therapy. I meditate regularly as well. My beliefs basically go off of what I have experienced and learned to be true first hand. I'm a bit of a skeptic sometimes.
I have an alter, a small one, but its mine and I cherish it. It brings me comfort and inspiration and a place to pray, spellcast, meditate, and think. It consists of a picture of my foster mom who died over a year ago, a few happy chinese buddhas (the fat ones) as they've always been very important to me as a deity, spiritual representation, however you want to call it, a Shiva Statuette, A Goddess charm (The Goddess and femininity are very important to me), some of my stones such as my rose quartz that I take everywhere for me (promotes love, calm, especially for children of abusive parents from what I've read), and my meditation balls, which are especially important to me.
I try not to judge anybody or start arguments, as I really don't like conflict or hurting others (yes, I'm a wimp). I'm somewhat of a pacifist, though I'm prone to being a typical mischevious Gemini. I try to treat others as I would like to be treated, be kind to everyone and help people when I can. I've been very much a victim to cruelty and abuse, and frankly I hate the idea of anyone suffering. Sure I understand its a part of life and I can't help everyone, but I'm the type if you're not feeling the best I'll give you a hug, a cup of tea, and a back massage, and probably make you a bead animal full of love.
So this is my little musing and I would love some feedback, guidence, observations, advice, anything you want to offer me.
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Dream [Nov. 28th, 2008|02:18 pm]
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I just woke up froma  really strange dream, a meaningful one for once (most of my dreams are random nonsense). This is what I remember... I was contacting, or trying to contact, people from my past. friends, family, past boyfriends, teachers, etc. Somehow I stumbled onto some complex belonging to Sylvia Browne and her followers... really strange. Stranger is the fact that I don't really believe much of anything she has to say, I think she might be a fraud even.
So this is what happens. I walk into this place... its gorgeous, like a temple. She has handmaids there, fountains, the whole works, and women who are there to get a reading from her and be trained by her in psychic abilities. The handmaids/apprentices pull me in and tell me all these interesting things about my past, my psychic ability, and what Sylvia can do for me. I am genuinely interesting, so I go in and wait for her in this dark curtained closed off room. There's a row of chairs before some sort of stage, me and the other girls all sitting in a row. Eventually Sylvia arrives, talks to each girl, taking some of them aside.
Then she comes to me. Now at this point I forget exactly what she said to me, but she was telling me all about my past and how someday I will reunite with all the significant people in my life and they will have a big impact on me. Further more something big is going to happen in my life, soon, within a couple years (which is interesting because I've had an astrologer tell me I'll have an artistic breakthrough in a year or two).
She tells me further that I do indeed have strong psychic powers, and if i wish she can train me to hone them sometime. All the while she's talking to me she's very physically close to me, leaning towards me, putting her hands on my shoulders, very touchy feely which would usually make me nervous when a stranger does it but with her it feels very warm. At this point i am very interested, though a bit wierded out and very affected. At this point in the dream I'm no longer skeptical of her.
So she finishes talking to me and moves on to the next girl, telling me she's busy today but to please come back. I leave in somewhat of a daze, feeling shocked and excited and in awe. I'm stunned.
But as soon as I leave the complex, I remember all my responsibilities and such out in the mundane world, and I'm basically like, "Oh shit I don't have time to do this..."
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Writer's Block: If Wishes Were Horses [Nov. 16th, 2008|01:32 pm]
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From shooting stars to stray eyelashes, there are a lot of ways to make a wish. What's your preferred method for asking favors from the universe?
For me I like looking out at the vast, beautiful night sky and gazing at the stars to make a wish... or write it down on a piece of paper and send it down a stream. I also like throwing pennies into fountains. Sometimes I'll make my wishes to my stones, crystals, my buddha statue or my Shiva statuette.
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My first peace protest! [Nov. 4th, 2008|05:20 am]
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[Current Mood |pleasedProud]

So tonight I went to the courthouse where McCain was having his "Victory Rally"... I thought I'd be the only Obama supporter but there was a huge opposition there! I joined in and we chanted "Obama" at the top of our lungs, drowned out the McCain supporters and even McCain! When he came out, he looked strait at us, the protesters, and I swear he looked me strait in the eyes.... and I gave him a defiant look and screamed out "Obama!". I have to say that was the most glorious moment of my life, something I'll always remember. It felt so good to parade around, pissing off those fundementalists, letting my voice be heard.
I can officially call myself a peace activist.
This has been by far the greatest moment of my life.
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Uranus Opposing Saturn [Oct. 31st, 2008|08:12 pm]
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So as you all well know, November 4th is the ever important day of the election... but its important also because that is the day when Uranus perfectly opposes Saturn. This is a time of great conflict; old (Saturn) verses new (Uranus), order (Saturn) verses chaos (Uranus), old (Saturn) verses new (Uranus) etc. and it'll be interesting to see how this all plays out. The pressure is mounting and November 4th is only a short distance away... This won't only affect the election, but everyone else as well. Arguments, conflicts, fights, change. This is a time of breaking tradition. This opposition will go on for three years, and it happens every 40 years.
As others have been saying, Saturn represents the Republicans; order, status quo, etc. and Uranus represents the liberal side, the side of "change" as Obama constantly says.
Not is this a bad thing or good thing? Well, change is always good, and we especially need it now. But it will be a big conflict, something huge that will affect everyone. I admit even I'm a bit nervous about it.
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Post Secret [Sep. 15th, 2008|03:14 am]
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http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
I am a huge fan of Post Secret. i've read a few of the Post Secret books, I've even sent in some secrets of my own, and it felt great.
Well, I've been watching videos about it and have been reading about it, and I came up with this idea I think would be great at one of those Post Secret events.
Get a bunch of willing participants to take part in a game. A BUNCH of people. Have each person write their secret on a full face mask that hides their idenity when worn, wear the mask (their secret clearly visible on their face), and talk to each other, or not, completely anonymous. I imagine people seeing each other's most painful secrets, and hugging, accepting the person. Let them know its ok to feel the way to do, that its ok to be human. Maybe even make friends. Its our secrets, our flaws, that make us human.
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"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want go [Aug. 4th, 2008|11:51 am]
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"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin." - Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
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My Life Story [Jul. 3rd, 2008|08:34 am]
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[Current Mood |nostalgicHomesick]

Sapphos Leap by Erica Jong is an amazing book. Probably my favorite along with Memoirs of a Geisha. I love books about beautiful, strong women, their lives, their loves, etc.
I think I'm gonna write my life story. It'll be a little bit of a memoir, a little ficiton perhaps. But I'm really excited about doing this. I think it will be beautiful.
As always, life has been going fairly slow. Just focusing on paying bills, taking care of things, figuring out what to do next. I've never been at such a standstill in my life. its like stalemate; I don't know which way to move. I mean, I'm doing great. Life is good, a lot of good things have been happening to me, but I want to move on... get out of this tiny little town. I miss Encinitas, CA so much. I miss Self Realization Fellowship, I miss Moonlight Beach, I miss Good Morning, I miss Swamis, I miss Cardiff, I miss the tidepools, but most of all, I miss the ocean. The California beaches. The sand. The smell of the air. the waves. Nothing compares to the beach.
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